"Dinner, Nagini."

So, where did I leave off?  Oh, the very dramatic [but, sadly, 100% true] story of my flat tire.  If you can't tell, I wrote that at a time when I was emotionally weak; I'm ashamed at being such a wad of sap.

But, that was an important day; the day.  The day when Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows came out.  And I know the world has been waiting on ledges to hear me speak of it.

No?  Don't careee...

So, the day before I had made shirts for Volpi, Chris and I.  All matching, except Chris had a medium that could quite possibly fit a small bear, Volpi had a small, that was a size too small, and I had a fitted female shirt because I'm a girl, contrary to popular belief.  The plan was this:

7:00 am   - Drive to school
2:00 pm   - Get out of class and head home
10:00 pm - Come to Franklin; meet up with Chris, Volpi and legion of Harry Potter nerds at the BK
11:00 pm - Head to movie theater, relish in the fact that I'm the biggest fan alive and have every one acknowledge that I'm a Harry Potter goddess, etc.
12:00 am - Squee and have seizures of glee and die forever happy.

Of course, the plan changed when 7:00 am was replaced by 'Have flat tire.'  Once Chris drove me, I was at his disposal.  He had a meeting for a film around 7:30 pm.  It hadn't been in my plans, but he wagered it would last and hour or so, so I figured I had enough time to make my plan become magic.  Run home, get shirts, come back, hang out, be admired, squees of glees.

Chris and I ate with Tommy, who was now coming with us - I've been told that I'm the luckiest female alive, always surrounded by three good looking, funny, charming guys.  The people who tell me this are obviously ignorant.  Anyhoo, the honors college was holding a Quidditch match [Harry Potter sport, played on brooms, 7 players, 4 balls, intense], and Volpsies was playing for Ravenclaw.  Chris and I headed down, then went back to the car and drove down to watch Volpi dominate the field.  It was cold and I wore Volpi's pants.  They swished when I walked.  Donald* was keeper and possibly the worst team captain to date, but he finally played Volpi who took the field and destroyed it.

The funniest part was when Volpi played against Gryffindor, every single time Volpi got the Quaffle, this one guy came out from nowhere in particular and bearhug/tackled it away from him.  Never failed.  At the end he came up to Chris, Volpi and I and said, "dudes, I think I have a concussion.  I'm a sports medicine major though, so I'll be okay.  Don't know how I got it though..."  We were like, "really?  Really?!"

Anyway, Quidditch was beyond amazing, although stupid Hufflecheats won with their gaudy Quidditch robes and massive methods of cheat.

Also:

RAVENFOOT...HUFFLECLAW!


So, after the game, Chris and I went back to the library to thaw and I waited for him to finish his meeting, which is supposed to be over at 8:30.

8:30 pm...
...9:30 pm?...
...10:00 pm...!!!

Ya'll, I was in shambles.  I couldn't do anything.  All I could think was my plans, my beautiful plans.  My mom would call and I would momentary whine, "MOM, THIS IS LIKE MY PROM!"  Chris would text and say things like, "...this is going to last a while."  And I wallowed in self-pity and anxiety on one of the stiff couches in the CMC.  Tried to nap; impossible.  For once though, I wasn't mad at Chris.  It wasn't his fault; he informed the director he needed to go, and she was the one who said, "yeah...no.  Lets take a field trip!"


Eventually, he finished and he picked me up outside after he had circled campus at least three times looking for me.  I micromanaged my schedule in my head - change of plans:
10:30 pm - drive home.
11:00 pm - rummage through drawers, obtain Harry Potter gear for wearing, grab Volpsies and Chris' shirts, grab Starbucks mocha coffee drink, contain excitement.
11:15 pm - drive back to theater, and don't obtain second flat tire.
11:45 pm - arrive at theater
12:00 am - die of delight/seizures of glee

I made it around 11:45, with everyone and their house elf calling/texting me (apparently everyone understands this was my prom as well) and I parked my broom and ran inside, all a tither, excitement flushing my face.  They took a picture of me looking amazing:


This is a photo of me looking amazing

And I went to sit with Volpi and Chris.  Tommy showed up [eventually].  The boys hesitated with their shirts, but sighed and agreed, yes, we shall wear them.  I was surprised when Volpi said they were a lot cooler than he expected.  Which makes me wonder what he expected...

At this point my arms were spazzing and I was having 'nerdfits' as Chris calls them.  Volpi was telling me to calm down, and Chris was saying "I tell you no lies,Volpi," and Tommy was just as mellow and disconnected as usual.  But me, I was ecstatic.

So, after staying up until 2 in the morning, and having a day of self-wallowing and mascara running shenanigans, I supposed, I have opinion on the movie, and here it is.

Things I liked:

• The Ministry of Magic scene.  It features the Trio under disguise, and the three actors who played them were hysterical.  Easily made the movie worthwhile.  I've always enjoyed seeing the Ministry of Magic; I feel as if one of the most visually appeasing experiences on screen.  Not to mention, that scene had nice pacing (and it may have been the only nicely paced piece.)
• The way the tent was illuminated.  I loved it.  I thought the camping landscapes were beautiful.
• Snape's hair.  He must have busted out the Lo'real, because it was phenomenal.  Snape has went from that greasy hair guy to best hair in the movie, even out stepping Lucius, which is a feat.
• Actually, all the Malfoy manor scenes were golden.  It was the only time I truly empathized with anyone in the whole movie; it was real ya'll.  Voldiepizzle was there, and he dominated.
• Did I mention I find Voldemort to be quite possibly the sexiest beast of the franchise?  I was beyond overjoyed that he had ditched the V-neck flow robes and had graduated to high-neck collars.  Although he would be beautiful in anything.  Except his underwear...maybe.
• When Fred went to George after his ear was blown off.  The way he moved, the way he looked; authentic, real and tear jerking.
• Actually, add the part when George puts the toothbrush in his ear, or lack there of.  Giggleplex squared.
• I also appreciated the downplay of Harry/Ginny.  I hate 'em.  And regardless of it's presence in the book, it's one of the few things I dislike and the less the better.  Not to mention, Bonnie Wright acts like a statue. Mainly referencing the awkward stiff kiss in the Room of Requirement of I-don't-know what, but what?
• Luna's dad was awesome.  Not how I imagined, but I do not care, because he was awesome (and oddly attractive; I have weird tastes).  I thought his scenes were beautifully done, and his intentions were well understood, and I was rooting for him despite his betrayal.
• The Tale of the Three Brothers sequence.  They should have had Xenioius (sp? don't care, too late, want to sleep) read it because he would have sounded bloody awesome with his accent, but whatever. It was visually solid.  If they did the entire set of tales this way, and made a mini film or something, I would die of bliss.
• Dobby.  But, I wouldn't have put this on my list if it wasn't for Chris and Volpi bringing him to life with their squeaky cockney accents and continual use of 'Mr. Pot-er.'  We spent approx. 30 minutes after the movie doing nothing but impersonating Dobby, and regardless of the fact that I dry heaved my way through his death scene, I laughed like a ghoul.

Things I didn't like:

• One name:  Emma Watson.  First movie, she was brilliant.  Hermione to a T.  From then on, she evolved into I do not know what, but it wasn't Hermione Granger.  As the hair evolved, he character evolved.  She became the 'hot girl,' vs. 'the pain in my Azkaban.'  What I always liked about Hermione in the books was how much I didn't like her.  She wasn't agreeable, she wasn't attractive, but her imperfections made her real.  Every time she was on screen, I thought, "what is this, Hermione Granger and the Deathly Hallows?"  Golly.  First scene, do you think it was Harry?  No.  It was Hermione wiping her parents memories.  Okay, so this happens, BUT we do not see it as a reader, and it was so overly dramatized it almost stopped the nerdfit I was experiencing.  I feel as if she is essentially flawless in her character on screen; she's beautiful, smart, loyal, bad A...and not bossy; not insufferable.  Before you tell me 'yhes, but she has changed from 1st year Hermione.  It's called 'character development' Rachel," I'll tell you to shut you mugglelovin' mouth and don't make me whip the series out and show you, point by point, that deep inside, Hermione remains an insufferable know-it-all.  And you know, I don't completely blame Emma Watson.  She was young when she was casted, and unexperienced actress, taking the directors cues.  Also one of the few who hadn't really invested in reading the complete series.  That right there was the mistake.  You cannot, cannot, cannot create your characters based on the piece of garbage Steve Kloves tries to pass as a screenplay.  I blame him more than anyone for every moment of failure within Harry Potter movies.  I suppose his logic is that girls have someone to relate to.  See, this is how it works:  Harry is your boys idol; Hermione is suppose to be the girls.  Instead of breaking gender roles, making Hermione ugly but empowering, we must fill our social gaps and make her gorgeous and likable, therefore like every other female heroine.  asdfjk;l Look, I don't know, but I do know that anger courses through me and I might be bursting some magic from my fingertips and blowing a hole through my keys.  May we move on?
• Following on the Hermione train (this is a repressed argument that I've been harboring for years) I am so sick of Harry/Hermione.  From book 1, I tell you, BOOK 1, I thought Ron and Hermione, forever, forever.  As I dragged through Harry's angry tirades in book 5, all I could think, "it may be worth it if Ron and Hermione at least, like, look at each other that way."  Book 6 comes out, and Jo says something along the lines of, "Pretty sure I made it pretty darn obvious-anvil size hints obvious-its Ron and Hermione."  DH was amazing.  Angry repressed emotions, we finally see Ron show an obvious desire for Hermione, and Hermione likewise.  That said, every single one of Ron and Hermione's scenes seemed cut short and devoid of emotion whereas Harry and Hermione's were like, RAWR WE'RE BEST FRIENDS RAWR LOVE ALL OVER EACH OTHER, OH SUP RON, YOU BEHIND US, K, YOU KNOW WHAT, WE'RE GOING TO LOVE ALL OVER EACH OTHER, HERE HAVE THIS WATER HARRY, OH ARE YOU THIRSTY RON, YEAH, WHATEVER HARRY'S THE CHOSEN ONE.  No wonder Ron was like, "Peace out and good evening."  And when Ron and Hermione did have scenes, it's like, I've seen Harry and Hermione together for so long at this point it doesn't even make sense for Ron and Hermione to be together.  I almost shipped H/Hr in this movie; and that is saying something because I've been adamantly against it for years.  There were wars against this atrocity.  If you like it, go for it, but in the movies go for canon and drop your sick H/Hr fantasies of having the 'hero' end up with the 'heroine' (although she isn't even 'the' heroine, but a sub-heroine or something like Ron is the sub-hero) and whatever else that cliche holds.  LETS MOVE ON.
• The pacing.  Regardless of the fact that everyone thought HBP was teh devil because it wasn't true to the book, all I have to say to that is, after movie 2, which one was?  I gave up on having an authentic HP at movie 3 when Alfonso came along and vomited all over the series and spewed whatever that was.  That was also the beginning of the transformation of Hermione, but my anger at the third movie and everything it brought forth is so overdone that I don't have the spirit to talk about it.  Anyhoodle, back to the topic, I will say this for HBP:  I was entertained.  There wasn't a moment when I was like, "Two and a half hoursss..."  This happened, this happened, this happened, and although it may be pushy and quick, at least it had me on my toes.  With DH, I found myself craving for some sort of speed.  Woods, woods, we find out one fact, woods, woods, woods, fact, woods, woods, OH WE STEAL A HORCRUX, woods, woods, doxyturds, we can't destory it, WOODS, WOODS, WOOOOODS.  In its defense the book was similar; but this is a movie, and if I want to read the book I'll dedicate 3 days to do so.  I come to the movie to get a pleasant visual summary in 2 1/2 hours. This movie was so tedious, no wonder George stuck that toothbrush in his ear.  "Just trying to defuse the tension."  AT LEAST SOMEONE IS. And although I appreciate its authenticity to the book, I wish they had been more authentic about things such as character development and, look, I don't know what I'm trying to say because it's 10:30 at night and past my bedtime, so in summary it was slow, and I don't know what I want.
• I will say I hate Helena Bonham Carter beyond reason.  She takes Bellatrix and makes her into I do not know what.  There is crazy and demented and then there is that.  I saw an HP interview where she said, "I try and do whatever I can to get the most screen time," or something along that lines, and I've hated her ever since.  Like, seriously?  Isn't staring in every Tim Burton movie for the rest of your life enough screen time?  Can't you just play Bellatrix properly, read your source material and be authentic?
• Bill Weasley.  Not so much the actor, but the principal. " 'Sup, I'm Bill's Weasley.  Never mentions me, until now, eh?  Well, they have to have the wedding; it's a plot point.  Not to mention, with all the flannel Hermione will be wearing in that tent, they have to have her stuffed in some sort of dress.  Like my scar, eh?  Came from a werewolf.  You see, in the 6th film there was supposed to be this epic battle at Hogwarts, but they cut that to have some weird Death Eater party crashing at the Burrow." Just, arghwlkerwpoiure, whatever.  That and Bill on that thestral...
• Daniel Radcliffe and his body hair.  Didn't we have enough of that with Robert Pattinson in New Moon?  Wax that stuff.  Body hair isn't attractive; and seeing Harry as hairy...just too much.  On second thought, I'd rather see Voldemort in his underwear.  At least you know he's hairless.
• That effing goblin.  The second that thing came on screen I busted a spleen (before you say anything, I have four).  What was that?  You have the 1st movie where they look like creepy old goblins or something, and then you have the 3rd where Flitwick doesn't look like a goblin, but a mini version of Hitler with a bowl cut, and then you have WHATEVER THAT WAS.  It was so angry looking.  And hysterical.  I just, I don't know.  Nothing against Warwick Davis - he plays the 500 midget required roles within the Harry Potter with finesse, but I'm still left pondering, what was it?
• For the sake of all things bright and beautiful, get Dobby out of that pillowcase, and those shoes that probably have images from Disney Pixars Cars on them.  What was that, Velcro straps?  Clothes are the mark of a house elf's freedom.  Not shoes.  Get with the program and give him some lumpy hats.
• I wish Hagrid would die.  He never does, and it's such a disservice.  That is all.
• Tonk's hair.  For someone who can change it at will you'd have thought she would have went with something other than that.  I thought she had skinned Mrs. Norris and had made a molting mullet.
• You know, I hate Lupin in the movies.  I disliked him when he showed up with that furry creature on his upper lip in the 3rd, but this one he goes too far.  That moment when he's so bloody angry; he makes Dumbledore and whatever "DIDUPUTURNAMEINTHAGOBLEOFFIAHARRY?!" *angry shake of this is so out of character* look tame.  I wanted to slap the werewolf out of him.  If I had been Harry I would have stupified him and his wife's mullet and put them both into that vanishing cabinet, and then I would fireblaze the room of requirement and Borgin and Burkes and then I would say, WHAT NOW, MR. 'ARE YOU HARRY POTTER.'  I AM HARRY POTTER.  ARE YOU REMUS LUPIN?  HOW ABOUT NOW?  NO, YOU'RE NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAD.  HAVE FUN WITH DR. FLAMES, YOU AZKABAN.
• Oh and this: "PS. Moody's dead."
• H/Hr shippers finally get their dream with a naked make out session between Harry and Hermione.  I just felt nauseous.  

I just, I don't know.  But, I think, after 384 pages of rambling, I know what I want to say.  Everyone loves this movie because it's authentic to the book.  You look at the books, and you say, okay this happens, and then you look at this movie and... it happens.  It's fairly spot on.  BUT, what I don't like is, although they've finally got the whole story thing down pat, is the are lacking in authenticity of the characters.  The Voldemort and Co (minus Bellatrix), Snape, Hagrid, Dobby, Luna, McGonagall, F&G:  Brilliant.  Spot on.  But everyone else is like, "source material, what...?" that I just give up.  It all happened when Dumbledore became a hippie and from there it went downhill, so I don't know what I expected.  Blame it on the hippies.

That's really it; Character development is lacking.  You've taken actors who have interpreted the characters on paper, and that paper isn't the book.  Anne Fay and I discussed this today and I'm glad someone understood.  This is how it is; I've watched the movie, and instead of seeing my favourite characters that I read in a book do stuff I care about, I saw a bunch of people I don't know doing stuff I care about.  They're are exceptions of course, such as Voldemort and Co, Snape, McGonagall, F&G, Dobby, Hagrid (as much as I hate him, he's spot on).  It was all very detached.  And really, it's been leading to this since movie 3, but now, it's so obvious that this isn't Harry Potter.  It's a bunch of actors telling the story of Harry Potter.

To be honest, the only ones who bring it are the Death Eaters (Minus Bellatrix) and they make you want more.  Heck, at least Voldemort knows what he wants and goes for it, even if it means grave crashing.  That and "Nagini.  Dinner."

Too harsh?

Of course, everyone else thought it was amazing, and no doubt everyone is going to comment me on how I obviously have no love for Harry Potter and to stop being a cynical muggleshover.  No doubt this my opinion; if you loved it, I am so very, very happy for you.  That's great.  As for me, I'll stick with the movie in my mind.

Heres hoping part two floors me.  As long as they play Snape's memories as authentic, and as long as they pick a decent actor to portray him and Lily, I will die a happy death.  That and if Voldemort rocks it.  Wait...

Voldemort always rocks it.

-Me

After whatever this saga is, here is the reference to the star way above next to Donald's name:

*whom I have never mentioned, but I may as well now.  Donald is a theatre major, but a bitter one.  This is Donald:



He writes plays.  They are... unique.  He's nice from time to time, but very bitter.  He's so bitter now that I think he's going to go into the professional business of trading Magik and Yugio cards.  We did tech together on Almost Maine many moons ago, and he tried to attract me.  As in he would put me on his lap and it was beyond creepy.  Nowadays, he leaves me alone on this aspect, and from time to time, I enjoy his company.  Among a mixed group of friends.