A Course in [Bad] Make-Up

I first started wearing make-up when I was in the 6th grade. My mother has fortunately always been quite willing to compromise when it comes to make-up. The only thing I wore in the 6th grade was foundation and an eyeshadow from Clinique named 'Sugarplum.' It was purple. Yes, at 10 I was wearing purple. I know; it explains everything.


I have always loved make-up, and I probably, okay I do, wear more make-up than most human beings, to the point of often looking like a tiny gypsy. I've went through so many weird phases [Oh, hey there 80s hooker make up!]and today, I have settled on some sort of silver/black combo thing. It brings out my eyes. *bats eyelashes*




So, today I began looking at my 'make-up' morgue from my theatre make-up class. And I thought "this would be a FANTASTIC thing to share on my blog." Now, I know, you don't care. BUT, I like sharing! And especially when it includes poor workmanship and morose expressions! Soooo, TO THE BLOG!

TWO FACE

This is the Glamor/Normal face.  So I look really made up on one side and not so much on the other.  See, with 'Glamor' you want to fix all those ugly attributes on your face so you look pretty.  Yeah, I know, it didn't work.

And ya'll are right; my hair does look like a helmet.  Huh.

This is also my "I'm gonna kill you Susan for making me take dumb photos and posting them all over WebCat so everyone can see."  It's a subtle look.

This is TWO FACE in that I amplified stuff on one side and lessened it on the other.  See how my nose is really wide on one side, and really big on the other?  Or my lips are two different shapes?  I look totes disproportional.  And I'm not squinting; my make up is making me look like that.

Actually, I think this is a highlight/contour face.  See one side is light, because I used highlighter to make everything BIGGER and then on the other side I used contour to make everything smaller.

I'm such a genius.

MIDDLE AGE:

So old and depressed that I look like my mother.  Turns out I'm much better at middle age and old age NOW but, at the time I was ubber proud of this.  I always felt like middle/old age make up is the easiest for me.  As for wounds and fantasy...ah we'll see.

And please note that nose is crooked.  I would say that it is the make up, but if you look at every picture, you'll note that, no, it's just crooked.

*sigh* Only me.

OLD AGE:

Okay, so I was just bragging on my old age abilities, and this...isn't so good?  Look I was learning!  But it isn't bad!  Right?  Right?

My hair looks very, very, very bad.  But it was up or something?  Look, I'm old in this picture!  Turns out Old Age day is the most depressing of them all.  Sighs all around.

The future is scary and my nose is still crooked.

On another note, I'm better at it now:

Ah sort of.  Cheap lipstick and liver spots [of sexiness.]  Also I'm a good 10 pounds lighter here, and I'm attempting to seduce you mesmerizing grandma face.  Also, I think I like my nasolaibial folds [see: smile lines] better in the previous picture.  Then again, that's all I bothered with when I did old age make-up that time. 

Either way, I'm foxy.

FANTASY

Okay, before you see, this, this, thing, let me explain.  Susan told us to bring stuff in.  So I brought stuff in.  She had no idea what I should do so she said, "make a skeleton tree god thing."  Andd...I did.  Sort of.

I'd don't think I'd be bad at fantasy make up on a whole; but we only had about 3 different colours, and no glitter, so I was limited in my creative endeavorers ya'll.  Or I would have been a Unicorn...wait...

I was a UNICORN for Halloween.  Yes, I made my costume.  Yes, I was the only one who dressed up.  And yes, Scotty is in the back, regretting the fact that he knows me.  [Or jealous of my skills, either/or.  Yeah, it's probably that.  He wants a tail and a mane too.  I'll make him one for Easter.  Why easter?  Why NOT.]

WOUNDS

So, if you thought fantasy was bad, get a load of this.

I actually like myself in this picture, but I was very rough on making wounds.  Part of me was hesitant to experiment.  And part of it didn't make sense.  It was complicated.  You put lots of colours on top of each other and they make stuff...?  I don't gets it.  I was proud of that slash on my cheek though.

I tried getting brave.  I failed.  Yes past Rachel; I roll my eyes at this as well.

CREPE HAIR

Before I show these pictures, I have some explaining.  I will usually try anything.  I don't give up easy and I rarely say "no" or "I can't do this" when asked to try something.  I can always try, right?  Well, there was one thing I refused to try, and that was the application of crepe hair.  I HATE fake hair.  It literally makes me gag.  I tell you no lies.  When we were little Abigail would rub excess Barbie hair on my legs and arms, and *cringe* it creeps me out like EVERYTHING.  I can't, I just, I just, can't.

SO.  After having a small meltdown, Susan compromised.  I could put it on my hand, vs. my face.  I wanted to kiss her.  But I didn't, because she was wearing a fake moustache.*

I could hardly stomach it.  I couldn't look at it; I couldn't touch it.  Sure it looks rough, but I didn't care because it is disgusting and gross and I just want it off of me.  I'm getting goosebumps typing about this monstrosity.

Onward, please?

*she wasn't wearing a moustache.  But it improved the story, no?

18TH CENTURY

These aren't spectacular, because there isn't much to this sort of make up, BUT I am very sexy in my white wig of sexiness.  And no, there is NO sarcasm, because I'm for real.

Mmm, if I lived in the 18th Century, my milkshake WOULD bring all the boys to the yard.

And just for giggles, here's a picture of the class.  Beasts going to a ball to do fancy stuff like dance and have birds in our hair.  [P.S. HA what goobs.  See, I am the best.]

EGYPTIAN

This MIGHT have been my favourite because there was nothing to it.  I've been doing eyeliner for ages, so it was a simple as breathing, and therefore, unimpressive.

AND LASTLY.

FINAL PROJECT.

AKA. The worst piece of make up known to man.  See, I think in shapes.  Shapes are logical things and I see them easily.  When I draw, and I draw in shapes and then edit everything accordingly.  So, we had to take any sort of artwork and make it into a make-up piece of artwork.  So, instead of thinking some painting that is just a giant mess of swirls around my face [and therefore a fail] I choose this because it had identifiable shapes.

The woman, not the fox.  See how angular her face is?

Unfortunately, we only had one shade of blue.  SO, I had to mix my colours to get the correct shades of blue.    Mixing, and such for many hours makes any person grumpy and in the end, as the HOT lights shined down (which successfully made me sweat through every layer) I was making no progress.  So, I thus gave up and said, "just take my stupid picture, Susan."  I was getting to that whiny phase where I start crying and throwing things and WHY CAN'T I GET IT?

So, without further ado, my really, really, really bad final in Make-Up class.

DO YOU SEE THE LOOK OF DEJECTION?  At the time, I was very near the verge of tears, and Susan could even tell I needed to just call it a day.  See the way I sort of bite my lip to hold back said tears?

Today, this picture makes me laugh; a lot, because I can feel rays of failure emanating from it.  The look on my face just says everything about that project.

SO BAD.

So, friends and family, readers and pursuers, I hope you enjoyed my failures and successes in regards to make-up, and next time I open up the crypt door to my make-up morgue, hopefully I'll have something more attractive to offer.  Namely, an moustache.

Like a fake one, not a real one, because I don't have one.  Jerk.

-Me.